it's been a while since i last felt loved. well, to be really honest by her own admission, i wonder if that was really love...ok. assuming the latter is actually true, i've lived for 26 years as a good man, and not known love and not loved. how tragically pathetic is that?
i felt love in its physical form, i especially miss her cuddling up to me while she sleeps. i especially miss having my arm that pillowed her head while she rests. i especially miss how she snuggles onto my chest after we've made love.
kids are brought up with the notion that being 'right' means getting rewards..and being 'wrong' means getting punished. religions instil the idea of heaven and hell....and the only admission into heaven is by being 'good', which also means you have no choice but be a person that does only the right things, otherwise you're heading to hell.
i dun commit myself to any religion. however, i am not an atheist. i just find that religions are man-made, ergo they are not perfect. i want a religion that's perfect, because i think god is perfect. well, almost every religion says that if you are not a believer of theirs, you're going to hell. well, looks like i am heading to hell. i better start liking sauna.
my point is this. this world that we live in is complex, is sophisticated, is full of crap. right and wrong is never a your choice to make. even if you could, a 'right' decision is never always right.
in reality, there is no right or wrong.......there is only 'should' or 'should not'. even in a relationship, this takes precedence over 'right' or 'wrong'.
here lies my biggest mistake. i made all the 'right' decisions.
q: is 100% commitment to your gf right or wrong?
a: yes...its right. so i did.
reality: you should not commit 100% because you need to have something left for yourself to fall back to.
q: is loving your gf more right or wrong?
a: yes...its the right thing to do, because i love her...and i expect to give nothing less. so i did.
reality: you should not love her more than you love yourself.
look who's laughing now?