Tuesday, December 18, 2007

between right and wrong

it's been a while since i last felt loved. well, to be really honest by her own admission, i wonder if that was really love...ok. assuming the latter is actually true, i've lived for 26 years as a good man, and not known love and not loved. how tragically pathetic is that?

i felt love in its physical form, i especially miss her cuddling up to me while she sleeps. i especially miss having my arm that pillowed her head while she rests. i especially miss how she snuggles onto my chest after we've made love.

kids are brought up with the notion that being 'right' means getting rewards..and being 'wrong' means getting punished. religions instil the idea of heaven and hell....and the only admission into heaven is by being 'good', which also means you have no choice but be a person that does only the right things, otherwise you're heading to hell.

i dun commit myself to any religion. however, i am not an atheist. i just find that religions are man-made, ergo they are not perfect. i want a religion that's perfect, because i think god is perfect. well, almost every religion says that if you are not a believer of theirs, you're going to hell. well, looks like i am heading to hell. i better start liking sauna.

my point is this. this world that we live in is complex, is sophisticated, is full of crap. right and wrong is never a your choice to make. even if you could, a 'right' decision is never always right.

in reality, there is no right or wrong.......there is only 'should' or 'should not'. even in a relationship, this takes precedence over 'right' or 'wrong'.

here lies my biggest mistake. i made all the 'right' decisions.

q: is 100% commitment to your gf right or wrong?
a: yes...its right. so i did.
reality: you should not commit 100% because you need to have something left for yourself to fall back to.

q: is loving your gf more right or wrong?
a: yes...its the right thing to do, because i love her...and i expect to give nothing less. so i did.
reality: you should not love her more than you love yourself.

look who's laughing now?

7 comments:

angel said...

U confuse me lor...

U said: in reality, there is no right or wrong.......there is only 'should' or 'should not'. even in a relationship, this takes precedence over 'right' or 'wrong'.

And then again u said, here lies my biggest mistake.

U see what I see? :P

But seriously, there's no right or wrong, should or should not. Everything is life experiences. Sometimes u learn it the easy way, sometimes the difficult way. Esp. matters of the heart.. who's to say what u should or should not do if the heart says "I love you"?

Haa... r u more confused now? Good. That's my goal... :P

Merry Christmas! ;-)

angel said...

q: is 100% commitment to your gf right or wrong?
a: yes...its right. so i did.
reality: you should not commit 100% because you need to have something left for yourself to fall back to.

angel questions : how do you measure the "not 100%"?

q: is loving your gf more right or wrong?
a: yes...its the right thing to do, because i love her...and i expect to give nothing less. so i did.
reality: you should not love her more than you love yourself.

angel questions again : how much do you love yourself?

sheon said...

angel: why you go answer all my rhetorics?... :P

i thought there was nothing but true love and no hidden agenda. however in the end i was slapped with the confession that i was only stepping stone.

"who's to say what u should or should not do if the heart says "I love you"? "
.....thanks to that experience..i put a leash round my heart....

my biggest mistake is that i've always place my mind on doing the 'right' things....when sometimes i should just ignore my conscience and 'just do it'.

:P merry x'mas to you too angel.

bear said...

Q: why C slapped you last night when you both are alone in the room?
A: i don't know. although she's hot and i wanted to **toot** but i did all the right thing and then she slapped me and said i'm a wood.

reality: don't judge the "right" or "wrong" by yourself.. you don't know what you "should" or "should not" do too...
LOL

michellesy said...

LOL at bear's comment. Damn wtf XD

How could someone be so cruel as to call a person they once loved 'a stepping stone' 0___0

Would the answer: 'Yes, but I like to think of myself as more of an upward step, to someone better and more deserving of my love' silence that someone? Or would it just make it a duel in cruelty?

sheon said...

michellesy: i think.....just ignore those who dont deserve our time and effort. they wanna be arseholes and pricks..let 'em be. just dont f@cking step on my toes.

michellesy said...

Sigh. Your advice rings true, but then that means we'd have to make the 'correct' choice every time.

If I had even the slightest inkling that my ex would break my heart, then trample all over the bleeding pieces like he did, I would rather have died than gone ahead with it.

Screw all that melodramatic, Hollywood-style 'if I could have seen into the future then, I would have still gone through with it because of you' crap -______-

But that means I should have been able to tell he was an asshole from the get-go. I need a crystal ball ok wtf